When I was in preschool, I was loud and rambunctious. To put it nicely, I loved to make my presence known to anyone in a 5 mile radius. On one particularly rowdy day, my teacher came up to me and offered a gentle reminder to “use my inside voice” (a foreign concept). Having none of it, my overly confident and bold self simply responded:
“That’s the way God made me.”
Take that, preschool teacher whose name I have since forgotten.
But seriously, when did we lose that part of ourselves as children who were completely unashamed of exactly how God made us? I have spent the majority of my life ignoring, hiding and pushing away the qualities of myself that never quite fit the mold. And because I’m a fast learner, I became skilled at the art of acting the part and being quiet. I pursued perfection, and lost myself as a result.
So here I am, 20 years removed from that story, just now beginning to discover who it is God actually created me to be. After a lifetime of shutting away my emotions and viewing vulnerability as weakness, I was hit hard with anxiety, depression and an eating disorder. Through this long and painful process of recovery, God has opened my eyes to the power of telling the truth. And thus the name Speaking Shame was born.
So to anyone who happens to wander over to my little corner of this weird internet world, welcome! I am so glad you’re here (and also terrified. I’m still new to this whole vulnerability thing). I hope that my words make you feel less alone, awkward phrasing, misspellings and all.
Vandy grad, Texan turned Tennessean, cat lover, future pediatric NP, sports enthusiast, book nerd, Enneagram type 6.
Struggling perfectionist, control freak, emotional novice, sinner.
Daughter of the King.